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Almost Famous

BEING SUED
Miley Cyrus: As Offensive as Ever

What’s more fun than benevolent racism? Miley Cyrus getting sued for it. Yup, the queen of the tween scene was slapped with a lawsuit, brought on by one Lucie J. Kim, who claims to represent the 1 million plus Asian Pacific Islanders in the surrounding LA area.

Each person, according to L.A. County, is entitled to $4,000 for a violation of their civil rights. Because you can’t sell your dignity, Ms. Kim., but it can be paid off? And does it matter that there’s an Asian kid in the middle of the photograph, who doesn’t seem offended at all?

Cyrus may potentially face $4 billion in damages, but the main thing we learn from this is that Asian people are overly-sensitive money grubbers. That’s the lesson here, right? And life is about appreciating cultural differences, isn’t it?

In response to the allegations, Miley was brief: “I just want to say to all of my fans and people of Asian descent, that me Chinese, me make joke, me make pee pee in your Coke.”

JOAQUIN PHOENIX
Joaquin Phoenix, What’s Going On?

Since the story of Joaquin Phoenix’s rap career was first reported it has been met with more than enough skepticism. Even Phoenix’s own “friends” called the thing a hoax in late January. This made sense as he already had Casey Affleck filming the whole thing, including a January 16 meltdown in Vegas, for a documentary.

On February 4 Phoenix retaliated stating that the source who claimed his new career was a hoax was “clearly somebody who is an old friend, or somebody that I worked with on music. You know, I’ve worked with a lot of people on music in the past, and oftentimes those things don’t work out. Sometimes you have some bad blood between people.” He then went on to confirm that he will be working with P. Diddy in the near future. Well just to bring it all home, Joaquin appeared on Letterman in an attempt to plug his new movie Two Lovers. Instead, he gave only mono-syllabic answers that seemed to be almost completely muffled in his incredible beard. At one point he even seemed to forget his co-star’s name (Gwenyth Paltrow) and often looked around the room as if he had just woken up and didn’t know where he was. Either his new rap career involves a new persona as a paranoid schizophrenic or Joaquin is doing a fabulous Andy Kaufman/Tony Clifton.

As for the photo above, I know everyone is shocked over his current appearance but can we just take a moment to remember the Joaquin of the past? What a babe.

ANNA NICOLE SMITH
Anna Nicole Smith: The Opera

Anna Nicole Smith is the stuff legends are made of, or at the very least, an opera. She always did surround herself with quite the cast of characters. First was J. Howard Marshall, the 89-year-old Texas oil billionaire Smith married at the ripe old age of 26, though he was arguably more comatose than character. Then came Howard K. Stern, the lawyer who fought alongside Smith for Marshall's billions and later became her lover. Sure there were other men, as there are to be in any Playmate's life, but Stern was the one with her leading up to her accidental overdose in early 2007, mere months after her son, Daniel, suffered the same fate. People wrote books, television episodes, even a movie about the life and times of Smith. But a pseudo-celebrity who styled herself after Marilyn Monroe apparently deserves far more honor and reverence than all that silly stuff.

EMMA WATSON
All the Boys Love Emma Watson
SHRED YOUR EX
V Day Protest Party (Sort of)

Lonely losers, scorned lovers and home-made confetti enthusiasts, listen up.

On Friday, February 13th, the day before Valentine’s Day, New York radio station WBLI is having a “Shred Your Ex” party outside their studios at 10:30am. The radio station has invited those unlucky in love to congregate for a communal tearing up of old love letters or to otherwise destroy any physical reminders of unhappy relationships. The invitation was extended to members of the Rihanna Fan Club to come and destroy all things related to Chris Brown.

Nancy Cambino, WBLI’s operations manager commented on the event: "Valentine's Day should stand for love so we find it fitting to make the Friday the 13th right before Valentine's Day a day for revenge for those who were unlucky in love. Whether you're a Rihanna fan or not, we can all empathize with being with someone who caused love to go wrong."

WHEN: FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 13TH 10:30am
WHERE: THE BLI STUDIOS - 555 SUNRISE HIGHWAY - WEST BABYLON, NY

BEST IN SHOW AWARD
Stump’s Big Moment

What? You didn’t know that yesterday was the 133rd installment of the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show in Madison Square Garden? You’ve gotta be living under a rock. Or you’re a normal person.

The prestigious Best in Show Award was given to a gorgeous Sussex Spaniel named “Stump,” yesterday evening. In an awe-inspiring display of sheer determination and composure under enormous pressure, Stump overcame his diminutive name and age handicap (at 10 years, he’s the oldest dog to ever win) to triumph, even though he was a 275-1 underdog. (Haaaaaaaaaaaa!)

Success, however, has apparently already gone to Stump’s furry head. The victorious canine refused to be interviewed after his victory.

CAMERON DOUGLAS
Celebrity Flophouse

Cameron Douglas, Michael Douglas’ son was evicted from his California home for not paying rent, according to Perez. When a L.A. sheriff showed up at the house in Laurel Canyon with an eviction notice, Douglas Jr. and his roommate ran out the back door, ditching Cameron’s girlfriend and a house apparently filled with questionable items. The landlord of the property, Sky Reiss, found the following when he searched the $4,200 a month pad: "glassine envelopes and home drug-testing kits, spoons used to heat a substance over the stove and filthy syringes and mirrors covered in white powder."

It seems that Cameron’s reported $80 million dollar trust fund can pay for a lot of stuff. Just not the rent.

SALMA HAYEK
Tit for Tot

If you had told me when I rolled out of bed this morning that at around quarter past 11, I would feel envious of a baby in the poverty-stricken nation of Sierra Leone, I would have said, “Well yeah. Obviously.”

No, actually I would have been fairly surprised.

And yet, such was my guilty state of mind when I read that one such baby was breast fed by none other than Salma Hayek, during the sultry Mexican actress’s recent visit to one of the hospitals in the war-ravaged West-African country. “Nightline” cameras were rolling whilst this was talking place, so if any of you sickos want to check out the footage you can do so on youtube.

MARCH VOGUE
Covergirl Michelle

Stop the clocks! The First Lady, Michelle Obama is going to make history again! This time as the first presidential spouse to appear on the cover of Vogue for a month that doesn’t end in “r.”

While there have been spreads of nearly every First Lady since the mag did a pictorial of Lou Hoover in 1929, only Hillary Clinton has been on the cover (December, 1998). The March issue of Vogue, features Michelle Obama in a dress by Jason Wu. The photo shoot took place at the Hay-Adams Hotel where the Obamas were staying prior to the inauguration. Annie Leibovitz was behind the camera.

DARRYL STRAWBERRY
Batters Who Weren’t Boy Scouts

In the face of all the recent and not so recent allegations of big league sluggers ‘roid’ misadventures, Strawberry’s new book, “Straw: Finding my Way,” due out in April, should shed some light on what real debauched professional athletes behave like. As he asserts, "We were the boys of summer. The drunk, speed-freak, sneaking-a-smoke boys of summer." Referring to the New York Mets of the 80s (the team that won the Series in 86) Strawberry tells all in his new memoir.

There’s the booze:
“Beer "was the foundation of our alcoholic lifestyle," he writes. "We hauled around more Bud than the Clydesdales. The beer was just to get the party started and maybe take the edge off the speed and coke."