The Toolroom Knights, a megamix created by Toolroom Records, is premiering tonight at Pacha, on the wayyyy west part of midtown. Collaborator Mark Knight himself will be there to DJ, introducing the crazy dance mix to a full house. Expect a lot of bass, a lot of lights, hours of interplayed video elements and a crazy environment heavy on the use of purples and blues. Also, crazy outfits. The club has 30,000 square feet of space, which makes it pretty versatile in terms of entertainment. Entrance is free before 12, and doors open at 10 PM.
Pacha 618 W. 46th Street (between 11th and 12th Avenues)
New York, NY 10036 (212) 209-7500
Click HERE for a full list of the tour.
I couldn’t pass this one up. So Albella, which is down on TriBeCa’s Reade Street, is having its weekly party tomorrow night, and they clearly didn’t spend too much time on the advertising campaign.
Unless, of course, they realize that in a recession, there’s one thing that everyone loves that’s absolutely free….
“Safe Sex Saturdays,” which is letting everyone in free til 1AM, promises to at least get your hopes up. Of course, don’t expect magic, according to Clubplanet: “Some venues lure in the best and the brightest, venues that keep you coming back again and again, venues that offer top-notch service. This isn’t one of them.” But, to its credit, “the kind of place where you can scoop up a six-pack on the way to a house party.” That means easy women, to you clueless blog readers. As if the name of the party didn’t help.
So I’ve already sent you to HighBar on Friday, so you might as well go back to the area and find yourself at China Club one block south (47th between Broadway and 8th). Now, this plans to be a much different scene, so I’ve determined to give our readers many different types of weekend options.
The big news: It’s Carnival Saturday at China Club tomorrow! As someone who would prefer to dance a ruler-length away from a girl to Louis Armstrong and Nat King Cole classics, it’s hard for me to determine what you young people want to listen to. But at China Club, they’re promising a battle between Hip-Hop and Caribbean, which, I guess, means that there’s going to be a gun fight at some point, according to my GTA San Andreas-based expectations.
As your Friday watchdog, I’m here to present you with the best parties this side of the East River (and this side of the Hudson, I guess, too). So, in my quest for specials, I found a place that’s downright determined for everyone to get hammered cheap, without sacrificing atmosphere.
The HighBar, on 48th street, is introducing after-work Fridays, with an open bar from 5-6 PM, 2-for-1 drinks from 6-7, 2-for-1 martinis from 7-8, and complimentary appetizers from 5-7. I mean, that’s still $8 a drink, but imagine paying double that. And during this crazy event, admission is free to this penthouse palace. Whaaaattttt?
Relatively popular nightclub Bijoux, which is popular with aspiring Europhiles, has seen better times. Nestled underneath restaurant Merkato 55 (which has also been sucking – minus their Sat. morning brunch party), Bijoux has been closed three nights a week, and rumors have mentioned that it may even be up for sale. It seems that the promise of the Meat-Packing district may be up in smoke, although maybe the new Lotus can resuscitate it.
But what did you expect from a club that is hidden behind a two-way tined panel of glass with a bouncer that will never let you in, a custom carved ceiling and a nude depiction of the owner's wife for decor? Ok, according the MartiniBoys, Jay-Z and Ben Affleck have been there once or twice. But now that they’re no longer a couple, what’s left to cherish?
Maybe someone will buy the place and make it not for assholes who demand that clubs are secret, exclusive, and completely self-inflated. And honestly, it just looks like a frat basement.
Nobody appreciates dive bars until they close for a while. Lucy’s, an East Village bar owned and run by Lucy herself since the 70’s, has put up gates barring entry. Her detailed note to thirsty patrons? “Sorry, we are CLOSED. We will reopen on March 12.”
And even though some online reviewers have called it a “rat hole,” the drinks are strong and at least there’s no pretentiousness about it. The especially bad news: pinball wizards will have to find another place that has a Pirates of the Caribbean machine and cheap beer.
135 Avenue A
New York, NY 10009
(between 9th Street and St. Marks Place)
So that’s why people go to Brooklyn — for the sex clubs! Sex aficionado Mistress Wanda has opened up an unnamed sex club in Gowanus, Brooklyn, where $90 gets single men in, $40 gets couples in, and ovaries gets you free admission (is this a man’s world?).
There’s a dance floor, for sure, and sex booths with alcohol wipes and free condoms (who uses those, anyway?). But best of all, there’s a free buffet, where I’m assuming fat guys who’ve failed to score rub themselves with roasted meats while they weep silently as an elderly couple has creaky sex in the corner.
What if clubs aren’t for you? What if you’re tired of fancy cocktails and fake women? What if you’re a Mormon? All of these problems can be assuaged with every-other-monthly boxing nights at BB King’s. Want proof? GOAG’s visit to a heavyweight bout starring World Champion hopeful Tor Hamer makes it seem like a pretty fun night on the town, without your typical drinking, cocktail dressing, and awkward stranger-dancing. So go look at the schedule, find some tickets, have a beer, watch some blood fly, and tell girls that you could totally beat that welterweight up.
About a month ago we mentioned the opening of Above Allen and their secret VIP Only cardholding experience – but it seems as though the upper crust of tastemakers in Manhattan aren’t the only ones who have been getting their Louboutin’s into the venue. That’s right ladies and gents - you’ve only got a couple of days to check out Above Allen, a rooftop vista on the Lower East Side that is choosing to limit its clientele to card-carrying VIP’s starting in March.
Technically, it’s just a hotel bar on top of the LES Thompson, but with fancy snacks from hotel restaurant Shang, this promises to make you not just look like a douchebag, but feel it too. Lol - JK